The Value of Stepping Back

*** This is also a repeat of my Boundless Living blog, posted on August 7th.
A lot has happened since then, so there'll be two blog posts today, to get you up to date. ***

I have been somewhat out of sorts of late, which is why there've been no posts for a few days. Not exactly depressed, just a little down, a little tired, a little small. You know the feeling? Just wanting to be left along to find a warm spot with your journal and a pen and a hot cup of tea. Where no-one can bother you. Or expect anything of you.

But the World won't let you be. There are dinners to be cooked, jobs to be done, and businesses to grow. All things you've taken on yourself. And it's just so distracting when all you want to do is wander through the far reaches of your soul to find out why your seemingly perfect life is somewhat ...... unsatisfying? Is that the right word?

Don't get me wrong, I am deeply grateful for my current life - thankful to my very core - and yet there is still this nagging discontent. A persistent, irritating feeling that I should be, do and have more. I just know that I am capable of, desiring of, and yes dammit, deserving of much more. There, I said it. Does that make me greedy? If the Universe is a catalog as Joe Vitale says, am I allowed to order from every page?

I regularly end up like this. I take on a Challenge, run at it full tilt, spreading myself ever more thinly until I crumple and disintegrate like wet tissue paper.

So, instead of pushing against it and forcing my way through, which is what I would usually do, I took some advice from Kelly (a fellow Challenger) and tried the Sedona Method. It just seemed so simple. Just allow (there's that word again!) the feeling to surface, and release it.

No judgement.
No criticism for being ungrateful/greedy/undeserving/a disappointment/a phony.

Just a few gentle questions,
a brief silence,
a deep breath,
and then,
and then,
a soul-flood of Peace.

I'm gonna be OK.

And while my Challenge may not be reached in the allotted 45 days, due to the temporary detour into the slow lane,
I am going to get there.
And the timing will be just right.

Nudges from the Universe

***This is a copy of the blog post I did for my page on the Boundless Living Challenge website. Life is getting far too hectic to successfully run two blogs!***

I've had so many Nudges from the Universe over the past few days that I hardly know where to begin! Actually, some were nudges. Others were in-your-face, poke-you-in-the-ribs, pay-attention-to-this! type attention grabbers. They have come from everywhere and everyone, and tempt me into so many directions that I'm torn and somewhat intimidated. So please forgive any disjointedness in this post - I'm thinking it through as I go.

Firstly, to follow up on the previous blog post (Baby Steps) - I had a fairly successful day. I hesitate to get too enthusiastic since I didn't complete everything, but I'm still moving forward and that's what counts.10
1. I took my Sample bag and a few jars to the delicious store I found recently, and sold one jar (Yay!) with promises of further sales in the future. Not as great as I hoped, but we're not attaching to the outcome! *sigh* However, I did meet a wonderful lady who runs a business network for woman entrepreneurs, which I intend to join. I'm excited about meeting like-minded women in my city. So I'll mark this one as done and successful.
2. Did this - it was surprisingly easy. But I do need to practice not swamping the poor person with hundreds of details at once. I'm so excited about my candles and the opportunity they represent, that it's hard not to get all evangelical about it.
3. I must confess that the pile of catalogs is still unadorned. I'm moving this to number 1 for tomorrow. I'm adding to this the making of scent samples, and delegating the entire project to the Youngest Unmarried Child.
4. It's amazing what you can do in 15 mins. Just check out the Fly Lady and you'll see what I mean. I got soooo much done. The room is starting to look more like an office, and just another couple of 15 minute segments and it'll be the haven of productivity that I'm dreaming of.
5. Update my website. Haven't done that yet ... Must get it done this week. I found out yesterday how to check the traffic stats - and was gobsmacked to see how many hits I get! Way more than I ever thought.

But throughout the past three days, one question has been nagging at me. A question posed by my good friend Jennifer, (see her gorgeous blog) in an attempt to get some insights for her article on me on her community website.

The question: "What are you passionate about?"

Every millionaire-mind type book I've ever read; every article on achieving your dreams, always starts with knowing what your dreams are! What you're passionate about. What keeps you up at night and going full tilt during the day. Ester Hicks and Abraham call it "Following your Bliss."

And while I was painting my bedroom on Friday - a luscious feng-shui-appropriate gold, and absolutely not on the day's to-do list but I couldn't resist (which figures considering the revelation that followed) - I realised that I am happiest when I'm beautifying things. Taking something unloved and unwanted, whether its a chair, a room or a house, and making it into something that lifts your spirits and warms your soul. All my previous business endeavors are an extension of this. This is why I love my candles. A delicious fragrance will always make you feel better, richer, more abundant. An inexpensive quick-fix to a crappy day.

Then the next day, while investigating the cost of reupholstering two vintage wingback chairs I found (currently swathed in pepto-bismol pink, poor dears!), I found the business card of a woman that actually teaches upholstery right here in town. For the cost of getting one chair done, I could get the skills to do it myself. On hundreds more chairs! I cannot explain in words how excited this made me.

And that tiny little thought grew, mushroomed, exploded into a fullblown epiphany.

I love to make things beautiful!

That's what I'm passionate about! Beauty raises your vibrations, increases your feeling of abundance and fills your heart with joy and gratitude. My candles, my theatricality, my flea-market addiction, my reclaimed-from-the-dumpster style of decorating - everything has led to this.

So, it's no longer just about the money (gasp!). As I create and spread beauty, helping people make their homes into sanctuaries that heal their souls, the abundance will naturally flow.

I will follow my bliss.
Day by day, step by step.
And so, to bed. Perchance to dream ...
of luxurious fabrics on vintage chairs, the delicious fragrance of candles,
and creating abundance, one person at a time.

Till tomorrow,
Jacqui

Baby Steps

I've just realized the immensity of this challenge that I've set myself!

"Grow my business"! How vague is that? That's really not going to cut it in the goals department. What I really want is to emulate my sponsor - a woman who has created a six figure income predominantly online. At home. In her pajamas. Six Figures!!!

Admittedly she has been in this business for many more years than I have, but I nonetheless hold myself up to her achievement and find myself wanting. A sneaky nagging tweak of envy, followed closely by a stomach-churning slide into self-criticism and doubts.

But all the while, over the whining and chattering negativity, there's this quiet firm voice in my head saying "What are you doing?! You know better than this!"
Hmmm. Here's an idea. How about if I actually start listening to that voice? What if I begin to trust the Universe (and myself) enough to believe that not only the direction, but the pace at which I travelling is just right. For me. Right now.

Trust myself? What a novel thought!
I've always been a self-confessed self-improvement junkie. You know, the one who always buys the latest book, and listens to endless CDs in the car. But today, in the car, with Jack Canfield pouring wisdom from the speakers, I realised that all the booksmarts in the world is not worth a pinch against one small action.
Profound, no? I nearly stalled the car in my excitement.

So ... my challenge has been narrowed down and honed into one brief statement:-
Each day I will take 5 small actions in marketing my business.
And the growing part should take care of itself.
So, here's the plan for Day 1:

1. Take candles and sample bag to the nearby shop-owner who expressed an interest last week. (Was it really that long ago?)
2. Talk to Three people who don't know that I have any other interests besides being the Goddess of Starbucks, and give them a 5 second overview of my candle business. Reminder to self -Do not attach to the outcome!
3. Put my contact info on all my new catalogs (so I can actually hand them out). Do this while in front of the TV tonight. So as not to be called antisocial by the rest of the family.
4. Spend 15 minutes attacking the clutter in the space that's euphemistically called my office. Being able to see even half of the top of the desk will be considered a monumental achievement and grounds for a celebratory ice-cream cone.
5. Update at least one page of my website to reflect my new-found abundance mentality, as opposed to the slight tone of desperate pleading.
   

OK, so I realise its actually Day 3 of the Challenge itself, but I think I needed all the energy and input that I've experience from every wonderful person I've met there to get me to the point of not just talking the talk, but actually walking the walk.

Or at least, a few baby steps in the direction of my dreams.

So very much to share with you, Gentle Readers, that I hardly know where to begin.

I must first apologise for the long silences between the last few posts. I can only blame it on houses needing paint; floors needing cleaning; daughters planning weddings; sons entering college; husbands needing dinner; all coupled with growing my candle company and helping to keep my Starbucks open.

But the two Most Importent Items are as follows :-

Behold my Weight-loss graph!


Absolute, concrete, visual proof that I, Jacqui Gates, perpetually-plump-and-on-a-diet Jacqui Gates, have actually lost 13 lbs!
And the most wondrous, life affirming, self-validating part of all is that I know that this time it's permanent. I have found a tool to keep me on track, a system that works for me and above all, I can actually see myself as Thin. In the pictures in my head, I am slim and fit and vibrantly healthy, and every day the manifestation is becoming more and more real.

And this achievement has in turn given birth to a revitalization of my other purpose in life - to create an abundant life for myself and my family, and lead and empower others to do the same.

I have joined Bob Doyle's Boundless Living Challenge. You can get all the details if you follow the link, but basically it's a global 45 day challenge to step out of your comfort zone and actually reach a goal you're passionate about.

My goal is to Grow My Business to the point where it more than covers my monthly costs. This means to stop playing office (you know, organize my catalogs; make some pretty folders; tidy the office; etc; etc) and actually get out there and sell!

I'm creating a 5 Steps a Day plan that I'm committed to carrying out each and every day. No more airy fairy vague goals - just specific, identifiable, measurable results.

I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow .....

No really, I promise!

Preparation

I have Spring Fever, in the middle of Summer!
You know that sense of anticipation; the quickening of momentum; that "something's coming, something good" feeling. The inescapable desire to declutter, uncover, and discover. To grow, bloom and burgeon into an abundant life.
Taking part in this challenge has me excited, nervous, determined and yet so aware of the Resistance lurking in the wings.

But this time, I will not quit!

Too many times, I have sunk my ship before it ever left the harbour, or walked away before the journey was done and the gold unloaded.

Not this time. Because this time, I won't be alone.
And that makes all the difference in the world.

The Woman in the Mirror

I'm actually beginning to like what I see in the mirror.

Only those of us who have developed that specific kind of tunnel vision that only allows one to focus on the "nice" and "passable" portions of our bodies when confronted (usually by surprise - like in shop windows) with a wide-screen, head-to-toe reflection of ourselves, will understand what a profound statement that is.

You know that mental cinematic trick that zooms in on a pretty nose or shapely ankles, and just fuzzes over the bulging hips and poochy belly in between? Well, for the first time in decades, the scale is my friend and I can actually see my butt lifting off my knees!

The magician's wand that has helped me manifest this miracle is a free website on which I have been tracking my calories and carbs for the past six weeks. That, coupled with a final resigned acceptance that I really cannot eat wheat without it resulting in zeppelin-like bloating and stomach curling agony. So I'm down 9 lbs in 2 months and fast regaining my former sylph-like figure.

I tell The Centre of My Universe that I still have everything I had when I married him 26 years ago - it's all just a little lower. But at least, soon, finally, it'll be almost the same size too ...

Keeping Promises and Getting to Done!

Several things pushed themselves to the front of my awareness today, unbidden but persistant :-

• The delicious irony in the title of this blog - Musings and Manifestations. At present there is too much musing, not enough Manifestation and a subtle straying from the original intent to share my journey to Abundance. My exploration of "The Road Less Travelled" has somehow led to a comforable cul-de-sac of suburban mediocrity instead of the succession of scintillating dinner parties and starring roles.
  
• Then a post in my friend's blog. I too am tired of honoring all promises made except those to myself. Why am I the last on my life-list, when everyone's knows you can't pour from an empty pitcher?
• And, a few days ago, a personal call from my millionaire mentor/sponsor, the woman I most want to emulate, following an email admission that my candle business has lost momentum and is very close to needing the commercial equivalent of CPR.
  

I want to be the woman who "has done" rather than the one that "dreams of doing". While I am aware that my life resume is already full of admirable adventures, heading toward my 45th birthday I feel a pressing need to make each moment count, to channel my inner Auntie Mame (my favorite role and inspirational character) and Open a New Window every day.

So enough Musing - Today I will Manifest! I will step off the smooth-trodden asphalt of the freeway to Ordinaryville and back onto the cobbled, pot-holed twisting road taken by the few who reach Abundance.

This week, Today, Right now, I will take my To Do list by the scruff of the neck and get to Done.