The War of the Shoulds

Usually the word 'SHOULD' has very negative connotations.

We hear 'should' - or versions thereof - every waking minute of our growing years ...
- "You should do better at school"
- "You should go to college"
- "You should try this drink/sport/drug"

And of course there are the implied 'shoulds'
- "Stop daydreaming"
- "Try to be nice to Aunt Agatha"
- "Why can't you be more like your brother?"

And then there are the 'should nots' which are actually 'shoulds' in disguise
- "You shouldn't do that"
- "You shouldn't say that"
- "Who do you think you are?"

Usually these are external pressures applied by well-meaning parents, teachers, friends, bosses, in an effort to protect you, improve you or simply to get you to do what they want you to.

In my search for authenticity, to find out who Jacqui Gates really is and what she stands for, I have dragged many of my own 'shoulds' out into the open; scrutinized and evaluated them; accepted a few; rejected many.

What is left are my own 'shoulds' - the ones I believe are good for me and the life I am creating. The ones that ring true with the person I am uncovering/discovering. They are the ones I know that, if I did them, they would make me healthier, wealthier and probably wiser too.

But I've also realized that, even though these 'shoulds' are in my best interests, they still create a ridge of resistance, that imperceptible stiffening of the spine at being told what to do. A childish flash of mutiny that has nothing to do with logic and belies my so-called adulthood.

- I should eat less carbs (But they taste sooo good!)
- I should exercise more (but I don't have time/don't wanna)
- I should turn off the TV to do more productive things (but I'm tired/ might miss something)
- I should get those projects done (but, but,but)
- I should write that article/create that splash page/work (too many excuses to mention)

It's my guess that you also have your own list of 'shoulds'. You know, those things the little voice in your head whispers would be the right thing to do, but you metaphorically pout and ignore.

Special Note: Be careful here that these 'shoulds' are, in fact, your own. So many of us have 'shoulds' that have become so ingrained, so programmed into us that we believe they are true and valid. But upon closer examination, many of them are revealed to be outdated, inappropriate to who you really are or who you wish to become, or quite simply an affirmation of someone else' agenda for you.

If a 'should' feels uncomfortable, if that ridge of resentment is instant and palpable, examine it thoroughly in the light of your goals and dreams.

If it fits - fine.
If it doesn't, discard it, regardless of whether doing so will cause raised eyebrows, snide comments, or outright disbelief.

To do anything else is to lessen your own authenticity; to push your dreams a little further away; to die a little each time.


But here's a thought - and (finally) the crux of this note:
What if I actually DID these 'shoulds'?
What if I took a month to silence that inner toddler and in true grown-up fashion, really DO the things I have already determined would be beneficial to me?

Hypothetically speaking, a month of doing what I 'should', could result in any or all of the following:-
- I could quite possibly shed 3 - 5 lbs
- I would be fitter
- My business would be more established and probably more profitable
- I would have more time for quality activities
- My house would be cleaner/prettier/more organized


So here is my Challenge - to Myself, and to you, if you wish to accept it.

For the next Four Weeks, I will disregard my inner brat and actually DO what I know I should.

I have a feeling this is going to be revelatory.

Care to join me?

I hate to say it, but you know you probably 'should'!

A Goddess' Guide to Creating Time

I have been as guilty of a grave misconception.

I have been constantly thinking, (and what's worse actually say out loud!) that I don"t have enough time.

Not enough time to do everything I need to do to keep my home running smoothly; my family fed; myself healthy; grow my business; plan my future; feed my mind; feed my soul; earn enough money to fund aforementioned enterprises.

And this is a LIE.

The truth is, I have exactly the same amount of time in a day as anyone else on this whole beautiful planet.
24 hours.
That's it.
No more. No less.

The same amount of time as you have, as Oprah has, as John Milton Fogg, Richard Bliss Brooke, Diane Hochman, Donald Trump, or any other great achiever you care to mention has.

The distinction, the radical difference between them and me, is how I choose to allocate that time. Somehow, without my awareness, that allocation got skewed toward the unimportant, the paltry and the immediate.

I've been jumping from project to project, without a plan or goal, always with the underlying assumption that I must rush because "I don't have enough time" to get it done.

What I have manifested is a house full of half-completed projects, a stagnant business and a mind so distracted by things-I-should-be-doing that I'm exhausted before I start.

I believe that every little half-done project, every niggly broken thing that makes me think "I really should fix that", drains a little of the attention I should be paying to things like building my business or writing. They suck my strength and distract from the now. Plus they create clutter, stagnation and that feeling of being spread so thin that nothing feels real anymore.

Despite this scattered approach, I have nonetheless managed to attract some really exciting projects and powerful people that are just waiting to lift me to the next level, and because of this, I need to take some Massive Action (as per Tony Robbins) to regroup, reorder and refocus.

So here is my plan for this coming week, and if you find that you don't have the time to get done the things that are truly important - the stuff that will actually make a difference five years from now - then join me in Creating Time.

My Focus :
To ReAllocate my Time to DeClutter and Complete Projects, thereby Creating Time to Grow My Self and my Business.
My Goal : To Create a Vacuum for Prosperity

To do this, I will :

1. Choose a room in which to spend 15 minutes just decluttering and putting things in their rightful spot. Start with the most cluttered room (my office) and work round the house from there. (I use the Fly Lady System for decluttering - works every time)

2. Do this BEFORE I turn on my pc and check email.

3. I will keep a notebook with me and jot down projects that need finishing, things that need repairing, etc, so that I can keep my focus on just getting rid of stuff.

4. If schedule and family allow - I will do this twice a day. But once a day will still be cause for congratulation.

5. I will do this daily until I can breathe freely again.

So if I'm somewhat scarce on FB and Twitter, you'll understand.
I'll be back soon.

PS : This cool "Whatever" clock is available here.

ACCOUNTABILITY

ac.count.a.bil.i.ty (uh-koun-tuh-bil-i-tee)

1. the state of being accountable, liable or answerable

I do believe that President Harry Truman, upon whose desk in the Oval Office this sign sat, would be absolutely horrified at just how much "the buck" gets passed in today's society. The lack of accountability is epidemic and spreads across all demographics :

• People don't budget or save, and then expect Social Security to pay for their old age;
• they sign for huge mortgages without due diligence, and hold the banks to blame when they lose their house;
• kids don't do their homework or pay attention at school, and the teachers are held liable;
• video game designers are blamed for everything from failing grades to school massacres;
• you get my point.

So I was absolutely horrified to discover that I too have succumbed to this plague. Without my being aware of it, I have slid into a set of comfortable "reasons" for my lack of stellar success in my MLM business in particular, and abundance creation in general:

• My sponsor is in another state;
• I'm very busy in my other job/s;
• I don't know many people in this state;
• I need to be at home with my family;
• etc, etc.

Does any of this sound familiar to you?

And slowly but surely, this "excuse-itis" has infected other endeavors :

• I can't be on stage until I get rid of my English accent;
• I can't lose weight because I have digestion issues;
• My husband/children/schedule make -fill in the blank - difficult;
• etc, etc, etc.

But once again, the Law of Attraction flexed its muscle, and no sooner had I noticed my malady, when, voila!, the remedy appeared in the form of The Action Accountability Program, facilitated by none other than the Greatest Networker, John Milton Fogg. Out of many, many applicants, I was chosen, and as if to remove absolutely all possible excuses, it's FREE!

Plus, as an added bonus, I got partnered with a Prosperity coach!!! How cool is that?

The Universe couldn't have shoved me any harder if it tried!

So here I am, ready to start; ready to hold myself accountable, and to finally, take action.

In parting, I have a challenge for you, Dear Reader. Who are you blaming for your current condition? Your parents? Your spouse? The previous government? The current government?
I'm here to tell you - this attitude does not serve you!

Accountability leads to acceptance, and only then can we move into action. And then we can finally accept the abundance that is our birthright.

I leave you with one final thought:

"I am responsible. Although I may not be able to prevent the worst from happening, I am responsible for my attitude toward the inevitable misfortunes that darken life. Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have – life itself."

Walter Anderson

I am responsible. I am accountable to no-one but myself.
I am brimming with excitement and anticipation, and not a small amount of stage fright!
The spotlights are bright in my eyes.
Ladies aaaaand Gentlemen. Jacqui has entered the building!

Wishing you Bliss and Blessings,
Jacqui

The Way I See It

"The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you
you're not good enough.
On occasion, some may be correct.
But do not do their work for them.
Seek any job; ask anyone out; pursue any goal.
Don't take it personally when they say "no" -
they may not be smart enough to say "yes"."

Keith Olberman - broadcast journalist and host

This is a point very near to my heart, and quite possibly one of the keys to the length of time it's taken for me to ascend to the top of life's ladder.

I have always been very quick to "do their work for them", and this mindset has lead to a lot of "not doing". Not auditioning; not writing; not making myself heard.

Enough already! On the advice of a passage in a Louise Hay book, I took some quiet time and wrote down a list of all the things I'm good at. A little slow at first - why is this so hard? But then faster and faster, until my beautiful Cross fountain pen was fairly flying across the page!

I will keep this list in a safe place, to read through on days when "they" have got into my head - but I have a feeling, those days won't be very often.

If you, Dearest Reader, are feeling ordinary; put down or put upon; take some time to do this exercise. Any exercise is good for the body - this one is good for your heart, your soul, and your very existence.

Being Normal

I found this wonderful quote on a scrumptious blog that I like to drown in when I'm feeling .... well, ordinary!

"My darling girl, when are you going to understand that being normal is not necessarily a virtue? It rather denotes a lack of courage."
Practical Magic

and so I look around at the vignettes of my life, and I notice:



I have a fish in a blender on my kitchen counter;


My Buddha wears a crown, and bling;




I have a landscape in my fireplace to keep out the draft;


and I have had way more than my allotted 15 minutes of fame.

And I realize that I, like so many others
who shelter under the cloak of suburban normality,
am so very, very far from ordinary.

Forever one.

There is definitely romance in the air! I wrote this as a comment on a Twitter friend's blog and it morphed into a blogpost of my own.

Malcolm and I have been together since I was 17. We married when I was 18 and he was 24, (we would have waited but the Army offered double pay and sleep-off-the-base if you were married!) and the fact that that was 27 years ago amazes me daily. How could he know from just one meeting that I would grow up to be the right woman for him? I was nothing more than a flighty teenager; theater mad and angst ridden; determined to be hugely famous doyenne of the stage with a jetset lifestyle and admirers in every port.

My how things change! I don't remember exactly when that vision changed from "me" to "us". Could've been when I held my tiny, newborn niece and decided I wanted one of these for myself. Or perhaps when I realized that the frenzied rollercoaster of theatrical life (they don't call it drama for nothing!) was all the sweeter for being able to get off the ride and retreat to the sanctuary of a peaceful home and predictable stability.

I do believe that we are ever-growing and changing, some say that you reinvent yourself every seven years, and perhaps THAT is the greatest obstacle to a long-term marriage. It is a challenge to change and grow TOGETHER; to keep pace with one another; to find and embrace your authentic self and to still like and love the person your spouse is becoming.

Someone said that it's not so much that I love this person, it's that I love the person I am when I'm with them.

Because of my husband, because of his love, understanding and dependability, I have grown into a confident, accomplished, and above all, happy woman. And for that I am grateful, every single day.

25 Random Facts about Me

This is a copy of my Facebook post - I got tagged!

Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. And so it goes on ...

So here's my list:-

1. I can't believe there's anything anyone doesn't know about me since I think I talk way too much.

2. I always feel fat and plain - regardless of how I look or what other people say.

3. I truly believe that you attract what you focus on, so am working on #2 above.

4. People think I'm joking when I refer to myself as a Goddess - I'm not.

5. My husband is the Center of my Universe.

6. I love my children dearly - and I really like and admire the adults they've grown up to be.

7. I hate bad manners more than anything. Especially people who continue to talk on their cell phones while placing their order at Starbucks. Don't they realize how RUDE that is?

8. People who do not put their hands in front of their mouths when they yawn annoy me intensely. Really people, I have no desire to see your spit strands or back teeth!

9. Decorating lavishly on a very small budget is my newest skill. Creating beauty out of nothing is my passion.

10. I would love to be able to speak French.

11. I feel guilty that I have never had even a moment of homesickness for South Africa.

12. I prefer to watch sport (any sport, but especially football and basebal) rather than anything else on tv. Except basketball - I really don't like basketball.

13. And while I love tennis - I absolutely cannot stand the Williams Sisters!

14. Never, ever lie to me. I might forgive you, but I will never forget it or trust you again.

15. I dream of getting a facelift, tummy tuck and bum lift, with no pain and a 24 hour recovery period.

16. I enjoy being different, but I'm very nervous of being too 'out there'.

17. I have very little tolerance for people who repeatedly make the same stupid choices.

18. I believe life can and should be lived richly, regardless of income or circumstance.

19. I wish I could have a life of historical significance, so that people will know who I am while I'm alive, and remember me when I'm gone.

20. I deeply regret not taking my theater career to professional levels.

21. I am an applause/appreciation junkie, which is why I am happiest on stage. And also why I miss it so much.

22. I never watch any movie that involves horror, gore, sadness, children, animals, or gratuitous violence. I get too involved and carry the emotions with me for days afterwards.

23. I find people totally fascinating.

24. I am a light-weight as far as alcohol goes - a half glass of wine will have me under the table.

25. I believe that swearing (using four-letter words as verbs, adjectives, and every word in between) is a sign of mental laziness and a limited vocabulary.

(I apologize if the last item offends anyone, but there is ALWAYS a better word that could be used.)

Bonus extra - I would always rather apologize than create a confrontation.

Well, I did it. This is the fifth draft since there's a fine line between "random facts" and "too much information"! LOL