The Way I See It

"The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you
you're not good enough.
On occasion, some may be correct.
But do not do their work for them.
Seek any job; ask anyone out; pursue any goal.
Don't take it personally when they say "no" -
they may not be smart enough to say "yes"."

Keith Olberman - broadcast journalist and host

This is a point very near to my heart, and quite possibly one of the keys to the length of time it's taken for me to ascend to the top of life's ladder.

I have always been very quick to "do their work for them", and this mindset has lead to a lot of "not doing". Not auditioning; not writing; not making myself heard.

Enough already! On the advice of a passage in a Louise Hay book, I took some quiet time and wrote down a list of all the things I'm good at. A little slow at first - why is this so hard? But then faster and faster, until my beautiful Cross fountain pen was fairly flying across the page!

I will keep this list in a safe place, to read through on days when "they" have got into my head - but I have a feeling, those days won't be very often.

If you, Dearest Reader, are feeling ordinary; put down or put upon; take some time to do this exercise. Any exercise is good for the body - this one is good for your heart, your soul, and your very existence.

Being Normal

I found this wonderful quote on a scrumptious blog that I like to drown in when I'm feeling .... well, ordinary!

"My darling girl, when are you going to understand that being normal is not necessarily a virtue? It rather denotes a lack of courage."
Practical Magic

and so I look around at the vignettes of my life, and I notice:



I have a fish in a blender on my kitchen counter;


My Buddha wears a crown, and bling;




I have a landscape in my fireplace to keep out the draft;


and I have had way more than my allotted 15 minutes of fame.

And I realize that I, like so many others
who shelter under the cloak of suburban normality,
am so very, very far from ordinary.

Forever one.

There is definitely romance in the air! I wrote this as a comment on a Twitter friend's blog and it morphed into a blogpost of my own.

Malcolm and I have been together since I was 17. We married when I was 18 and he was 24, (we would have waited but the Army offered double pay and sleep-off-the-base if you were married!) and the fact that that was 27 years ago amazes me daily. How could he know from just one meeting that I would grow up to be the right woman for him? I was nothing more than a flighty teenager; theater mad and angst ridden; determined to be hugely famous doyenne of the stage with a jetset lifestyle and admirers in every port.

My how things change! I don't remember exactly when that vision changed from "me" to "us". Could've been when I held my tiny, newborn niece and decided I wanted one of these for myself. Or perhaps when I realized that the frenzied rollercoaster of theatrical life (they don't call it drama for nothing!) was all the sweeter for being able to get off the ride and retreat to the sanctuary of a peaceful home and predictable stability.

I do believe that we are ever-growing and changing, some say that you reinvent yourself every seven years, and perhaps THAT is the greatest obstacle to a long-term marriage. It is a challenge to change and grow TOGETHER; to keep pace with one another; to find and embrace your authentic self and to still like and love the person your spouse is becoming.

Someone said that it's not so much that I love this person, it's that I love the person I am when I'm with them.

Because of my husband, because of his love, understanding and dependability, I have grown into a confident, accomplished, and above all, happy woman. And for that I am grateful, every single day.

25 Random Facts about Me

This is a copy of my Facebook post - I got tagged!

Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. And so it goes on ...

So here's my list:-

1. I can't believe there's anything anyone doesn't know about me since I think I talk way too much.

2. I always feel fat and plain - regardless of how I look or what other people say.

3. I truly believe that you attract what you focus on, so am working on #2 above.

4. People think I'm joking when I refer to myself as a Goddess - I'm not.

5. My husband is the Center of my Universe.

6. I love my children dearly - and I really like and admire the adults they've grown up to be.

7. I hate bad manners more than anything. Especially people who continue to talk on their cell phones while placing their order at Starbucks. Don't they realize how RUDE that is?

8. People who do not put their hands in front of their mouths when they yawn annoy me intensely. Really people, I have no desire to see your spit strands or back teeth!

9. Decorating lavishly on a very small budget is my newest skill. Creating beauty out of nothing is my passion.

10. I would love to be able to speak French.

11. I feel guilty that I have never had even a moment of homesickness for South Africa.

12. I prefer to watch sport (any sport, but especially football and basebal) rather than anything else on tv. Except basketball - I really don't like basketball.

13. And while I love tennis - I absolutely cannot stand the Williams Sisters!

14. Never, ever lie to me. I might forgive you, but I will never forget it or trust you again.

15. I dream of getting a facelift, tummy tuck and bum lift, with no pain and a 24 hour recovery period.

16. I enjoy being different, but I'm very nervous of being too 'out there'.

17. I have very little tolerance for people who repeatedly make the same stupid choices.

18. I believe life can and should be lived richly, regardless of income or circumstance.

19. I wish I could have a life of historical significance, so that people will know who I am while I'm alive, and remember me when I'm gone.

20. I deeply regret not taking my theater career to professional levels.

21. I am an applause/appreciation junkie, which is why I am happiest on stage. And also why I miss it so much.

22. I never watch any movie that involves horror, gore, sadness, children, animals, or gratuitous violence. I get too involved and carry the emotions with me for days afterwards.

23. I find people totally fascinating.

24. I am a light-weight as far as alcohol goes - a half glass of wine will have me under the table.

25. I believe that swearing (using four-letter words as verbs, adjectives, and every word in between) is a sign of mental laziness and a limited vocabulary.

(I apologize if the last item offends anyone, but there is ALWAYS a better word that could be used.)

Bonus extra - I would always rather apologize than create a confrontation.

Well, I did it. This is the fifth draft since there's a fine line between "random facts" and "too much information"! LOL

Photoshop Me!

I have so often wondered what I would look like if I had access to the grooming, pampering and airbrushing that the stars have.

Well, thanks to my friend and photographer extraordinaire Jimmy Flix - now I know.

And staring at myself, "practically perfect in every way", I am buffeted by some very mixed emotions.

• Longing - oh how I wish I really looked like this! No wrinkles, blotches, and the racoon-type circles under the eyes are gone.
• Envy - not easy to admit, but deep down I am just a teeny-weeny bit jealous of the women who can afford to have the kind of polishing, treatments, and yes, procedures that achieve this kind of result in the real world.
• Resignation - now really, let's face it, I am never actually going to look this good in real life.
• Annoyance - dammit, why not?
• Acceptance - but it's ok. There are those who love me anyway. Wrinkles and all.
  

It's an interesting debate, though. Should one strive for this kind of glamorous perfection - presupposing of course that that is what your heart desires - or should one believe the mantra that "it's what's inside that matters" . Isn't that something some well meaning parent or teacher would say - in those syrupy, sympathetic tones that leave your already fragile self-esteem shattered at your feet?

Following the mindset of the Secret, if I focus on the illusion long enough, will it not become real?
What is reality anyway, if not an illusion upon which we all agree?

I saw a Twilight Zone episode in which all women, once they reached 18 years of age, were required by the State to undergo a procedure which basically turned them into supermodels. The story centred on a girl who didn't want to undergo this transformation, and her passionate battle to remain just as she was. I remember her stating that in making everyone beautiful, they were basically making everyone the same. In this Utopia there was no room for wrinkles, saggy skin, crooked noses - indeed, individuality of any kind.

And I do believe in individuality.

So while I love my airbrushed Perfect-Self in the picture, I think I can be happy just being my Best-Self, ever changing, ever improving, always unique.

Viva la Difference!

Pictures from the Old Country

They say a picture can paint a thousand words, but sometimes there are a thousand memories in there too.

A long time, very dear friend sent me a link to a blog devoted to Port Elizabeth, the harbour city known now for its illustrious son Nelson Mandela, where my gypsy family finally settled in 1970.

Browsing through the exquisite photos posted here, I was transported into the past. Here's a picture of the maternity home, previously a colonial malaria clinic, in which both my babies were born; there's one of the mini "traffic lights" where they learned their road skills so many years ago.

If you ever get the chance to visit South Africa, dearest Reader, please do not confine your trip to the majesty of Cape Town or the flashy lights of Johannesburg. There is a gem just a little further up the coast in which the true heart of the country can be heard strongly beating.

Thoughts on a Tea Tray

In the spirit of my New Year resolution to expect more of, and for myself, I set up this tea tray today for my usual afternoon cuppa.

You have to understand that usually this entails a tea bag of PG Tips (best British tea ever - strong, robust, serve with milk) tossed into a large white cup, and brewed with none of the ritual such an revered beverage deserves. How did I stray so far? Perhaps it comes from serving multitudes of melted candy bars in paper cups and calling it "coffee". But I digress ...

So back to my tea. It occurred to me while puttering around my kitchen, laying out the tray, draping the cloth just so, warming the pot and pouring just enough milk into the cup, that this tray is a pictorial representation of so many parts of Me!

Let me elaborate, dear friends. The tea pot is a Yixing dragon, a Christmas gift this year from my daughter and her new husband. He has been named Mooshoo and as befitting his lineage and history, has been formally introduced to the other seven dragons that reside in my house. One object to symbolize so many things that I love; my beautiful daughter, the man that loves her, and all things Oriental.

I must insert a caveat here. One of my more global resolutions for this year is to boycott all things Made in China. While I love the Chinese culture, art and tradition, and have yet to meet a Chinese person who has not become a friend, I cannot continue to support a regime that systematically destroys individuality and personal freedom. The recent developments in Tibet just pushed me over the edge, but this is fodder for another post entirely, so we will return for the moment to my tea tray.

Aaah, the tray. A remnant from the starter kit I purchased for the second of my Network marketing endeavours (British spelling, in honour of the tea!). An item redolent with unrealised expections, but an nonetheless undimmed faith in the industry it represents.

A side note here - I am creating another blog to explore and deal with exactly this situation. I've called it "The Burned Out Network Marketer" and it'll be geared towards all those folk who believe that MLM should work, and have tried very hard but can't understand why it doesn't work for them. Again, more on that later.

Did you notice my exquisite tea cup? It's vintage Royal Albert, made-in-England china and it's part of a set that belonged to my grandmother. I think they were for special occasions - you know, like when the Father Holything came for tea - and I don't remember ever being allowed to used them as a child. I noticed them tucked away in a cupboard in my parent's kitchen in SA when I was there last November and my mom was kind enough to let me bring them home with me. Each cup exemplifies my passion for all things vintage and beautiful, and links me to a time where quality was valued over quantity, and every day had a little soul-feeding ritual in it.

Finally, the white handmade lace cloth is one I picked up from my friend Kressa's flea market for only a dollar! Here is where my love of luxury and the finer things of life meets my frugal nature and inner Scrooge. Throw in an abhorrence of waste and an almost fanatical devotion to recycling, reusing and refurbishing, and you understand why an trip to Goodwill or a fleamarket can count as a highlight in my day. And this passion has sown the seed of yet another blog which I will call Luxe for Less, in which I will share my tips and tricks for living a finer life on as few dollars as possible while still completely avoiding Walmart! It's really the way I've created our beautiful home in the States and I've studied and learned so much over the years and I can't wait to share it all with you.

So I'll leave you with a few thoughts. Please be kind to yourself this year. Honour yourself and renew your spirit a little each day with small personal rituals. Take a moment to savour the finer things in life, whether it's the softness of a cashmere scarf; a sip of tea from a whisper-thin cup; or something a simple and precious as a slow... deep... breath.